


Tell Me of Our Eclipse

by Thetimehascome



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, But not graphic or the main focus of the story, Fate & Destiny, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Prophecy, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:55:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22936705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thetimehascome/pseuds/Thetimehascome
Summary: The prophecy goes that they will meet at dawn. Their beginning signals the world’s new turning, the end of a long era of blood.Taeyong has always lived a quiet life by the coast, selling flowers for the many dead this war has brought them. Johnny has been swinging a sword since he was 16, the army the only life he knows.When Johnny is suddenly sent home under suspicious circumstances, the two meet for the first time, and an unexpected romance begins to brew.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 106





	1. The world today

**Author's Note:**

> Well folks I promised myself I wouldn't start this until I finished another piece but... I'm almost done with that fic and I couldn't resist! I've had this first chapter in this work for almost a month, and have toiled over it way too long to not just put out. That being said, it's all downhill from here so if you don't like this first chapter then good luck haha. I'm excited to start this journey with you folks and I hope this is a refreshing start to a good fic. I love Johnny and Taeyong, and I really like their relationship even though it is probably platonic. That being said I plan to have fun reimagining it as something more! I love fantasy and gritty war realities, so I hope I can satisfy those categories too. Also yes there is Mpreg, but as mentioned in the tags, it won't be a focal point so if you don't love that I wouldn't worry too much. Still, it will certainly be there so just a heads up. Anyway, let's start!

The prophecy goes that they will meet at dawn.

Their beginning signals the world’s new turning, the end of a long era of blood.

Storms will calm and peace will return, when the man of sun meets the man of moon.

  
The sun is strong, his arms destroy and hold in equal wonder.

  
The moon is bright, shining with a beauty and kindness the world has never known.

  
They will fall in love as deep as the sky, and together will glow as bright as the stars.

  
At dusk of the day of their children’s birth, there will be a total eclipse for all the world.

  
Twins will be born, equal mixture moon and sun. They will be the champions of a new age, and finish off the long toil of war. 

For 25 years the nations of Heliosus and Lunador had fought.  
For 25 years the people believed peace would come, when the moon blocked out the sun. 

Taeyong lived a quiet life growing flowers by the sea, his skin as fair as the moon’s rays and his heart as soft as a rabbit’s foot.

  
Johnny lived a life bathed in blood and grit, kept true only by his noble soul and the strength of brotherhood. 

When Johnny finally comes home, fate has bound them to finally meet.

...

Taeyong knew he had beauty.

His face opened many doors, but also closed many more. 

When he was 17 he gained the symbol of a carrier, a sign that he was a man able to give birth, and he displayed his marked shoulder for all to see. 

But when the leers of the interested and the sneers of the envious became too much, he hid it away from the world and never showed it in public again.

He lived most of his life simply, taking care of the home his parents loved long after they were gone. 

He had been adopted by them young, his two sweet pillars of strength taking in the child they found laying in a bed of flowers 25 years ago. 

They would have named him rose if he was a girl, they always told him.

White roses were still his specialty, but he sold all kinds of flowers to the local shop from his gardens. He was kind to every creature he crossed, even the humans he meets in his path.

But the people around him understood him much less than the animals.

He had never gone to school with other children, his knowledge limited to the books his mother taught him to read and the other children playing outside always scared him. 

Sometimes he would join, but most of his childhood was spent growing up on his own world of fantasy and he supposed that left him with little in common with others.

“A pretty face but a weird personality”,

The old mother at the bread shop whispered behind his back.

“At first I wanted him to marry my grandson since he is a kind boy, but he rejected him like all the others who came to see him! I don’t know who he thinks he is, turning away all the men at his door. His beauty will fade soon anyway, and then all that will be left is his out of sort behavior!”, her friend whispered back.

He ignored them as he does the many comments made in his wake. 

In a small town, everyone has something to say. 

But their words still haunt him long after they were spoken, making him wonder if he should change to fit their expectations, if he’s truly letting the best years of his life slip through his fingers alone.

He wasn’t completely alone though. He had made one good friend in his life: Doyoung the city chief clerk had been beside him for almost ten years now.

Despite his systematic grumpy attitude and a deep need to follow every rule, Doyoung seemed to accept Teayong's quirks like no one else could. 

He laughed and shook his head every time Taeyong stopped to converse with a local animal, and simply snorted and stood by as Taeyong would rant about the beauty of a single flower for hours. He seemed amused by what others avoided, and despite his many teases and their playful fighting, Taeyong has counted his blessings many times over to have a person who accepts him so wholeheartedly.

Perhaps some of their connection lies in the fact that they were both carriers, and more than that, the only two carriers in town who didn’t advertise their sign.

Doyoung said it interfered with his work, because people walking in treated him differently when they knew his status. 

But taeyong knows that Doyoung might be more of a romantic than he lets on.

One night late into the evening, when they were drinking steaming tea on his porch with a quiet meadow stretched out below them, Doyoung confessed, 

“I guess I want a man who would be with me regardless, Taeyong. I know so many men who approached me for marriage and when I asked why they said ‘why not?’. Why not?? Is that the best reason they have? I just struggle to feel like that’s real. I want a man who loves me for more than convenience. Is that too much to ask?”

Teayoung told him it was fine, that it was what he deserved, but sometimes he can’t help the doubts in his heart that maybe that _is_ just too much to ask in this world.

Especially in this era of blood, this time of give and take, and more often than not, of conquer.

Boys these days are taught to fight first and talk second. 

Almost all children learn to swing a sword long before they learn to pick up a pen. 

What can you ask of gentleness from men raised like that?

Teayoung doesn’t know. Perhaps not as much as a lover would want.

But he, like Doyoung, hasn’t been able to bring himself to settle yet. It’s not like his world revolves around romance, far from it really, for he has just started a program to help teach and take care of children whose father has been at war for more than two years in hopes of helping out family’s straining to the breaking point because of this horrid fighting.

So far he has four children he sees for three hours twice a week, and he’s had no less than three mothers already burst into tears at the relief in his arms.

He’s happy to give what he can, even if looking after even four can leave him a little exhausted. Two more have asked to join though, and he knows he won’t turn them away.

Taeyong never turned away any soul that limped his way.

...

Johnny was a hero of sorts. At least, he had been one to the men with whom he had served. When the massive battle of Corney Creek was looking bad for Heliosus, he was the only officer who stayed. And when the fools had run for the hills, he had turned the tide by going left when the other side thought he’d go right.

He swooped his troops in, and cornered the opposing side against the tree line, sending a small group around to start shooting through the trees. With the illusion of their forces being pinned, Lunador surrendered. 

He didn’t do it for the king, and he certainly didn’t do it for another victory in this stupid pointless war. But for his men- he’d do almost anything.

To the 15th division, he was a legend, a man who saved over a thousand souls. 

But as the tale and his legacy spread beyond their legion, jealousy brewed. 

When the story reaches the kingdom back home, it caught the attention of the elites whose sons he made a fool of.

Soon enough he got sent back from the front lines to permanent retirement, supposedly to save him for “strategic reinforcement”. 

He could spit on the ground at that.

But maybe that forced out of the front lines was what he needed. He had joined at 15, full of bullshit fanaticism, burning with the desire to be apart of his country's path to success. 

He left knowing the only success in war is limping back to breathe another day. 

Any grand statement otherwise could be saved for the press.

Although he missed his men, he was glad to not be risking life and limb for a cause he had stopped believing in the moment he saw his first comrade beheaded.

16 and shaking, he wondered then if any cause could be worth the bloodshed

Now 10 years later, he knows enough about what this war is really about to understand that their cause was far from worthy. 

Men, no- boys, out dying and bleeding to gain a rich man one acre of land.

If he could piss on each parcel they gained for their king he would. 

Still, it would be a tough transition home. He missed the presence of his men nightly. 

No, he missed his brothers. 

Yuta and Jaehyun may not have the same blood as him flowing through their veins, but they washed enough blood from his wounds to be considered family.

It’s not as if he knew anyone with his blood anyway. 

His family had found him on the glittering hot stones by the river, claiming that he was sent to them by the Gods that fateful morning.

But as much as he loved them, he knew that if a God had sent him he had not been merciful, for his parents could hardly afford to feed themselves much less him.

And so at 15 he stole away, convinced he would find a better life and be less of a burden to them fighting in a land far away.

His parents' letters informed him that they strongly disagreed.

They were crushed to lose their only son so young, begging him to return even when he knew his decision was already over. 

His first visit home the next year was tough, and his departure at the end of that month was the last time he sobbed into his mother's arms.

He wished now that he waited at least a few more years, those few months in between fighting to see his parents felt brief when looking back.

When he was 21 and found out that they had died he almost lost it. 

There he was fighting constantly for his life, surrounded by more dead than living, and yet it was simply a particularly nasty round of the flu that took away his most precious people.

He’s sure he would have gone insane, toiling over the injustice of life being taken and given at a whim, if not for his brothers.

Yuta and Jaehyun took after watching him constantly, holding him every night and talking to him all morning, trying to break through his wall of isolation and solitude. 

But it took Jaehyun getting seriously injured trying to protect him from a risky move he had not been prepared to come back from for him to wake up. 

He still had people in this world who needed him, and who he wanted to care for.

That would have to be enough.

And it was, at least for the past 4 years he lived since then. 

Now Yuta and Jaehyun conscriptions have another 5 years left, and he has been sent packing back home. 

Today staring at the next couple years of his life, Johnny feels unsure of his next step for the first time in his adult life.

Looking at his options thoroughly, he finally lands on moving to his grandfather’s old home. He had died not long before his parents, and Johnny had only really met him twice.

He was a friendly enough old man, but Johnny felt no great loss at his passing. He was too far away to know too well, with Johnny and his parents on the mainland of Heliosus and his grandfather on an island between the two warring nations.

The island of Lipsus is one of the few places where citizens of the two nations mixed, both people of the warring nations ignoring the tension in favor of accepting their neighbor. 

So he set off, stepping off his homeland onto the boat that he will carry him on the two day journey to the island he will now call home. 

He watches the waves pulse around him, the sun glinting off the tops of each crest. The heat burned his skin, his mind clear for the first time in years.

A hope rose in his chest, a daring to long for a new start.


	2. Beauty of Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are Johnfam. Hope y'all like the second chapter I'm just kind of vibing for now. I have an overall picture but not a strict timeline so I hope it all lines up. Also NEO Zone is everything and I love elevator, love song, and daydream off the album. They all have their charm though! Anyway if you want a good mood for this chapter listen to highway to heaven because that always makes me feel free and kind of directionless which is the right style for this. See ya soon!

Johnny walked up the sandy steps of the house, looking up the vined pillars to witness it’s chipped tiled rooftop slowly cracking in the low hanging summer sun. 

It was nothing special to look at as it’s architecture was common on this island, it’s main exterior made up of a couple of circles and squares with large windows to catch a glimpse of the waves. It was however near a vast flourishing meadow, which Johnny greatly appreciated. It’s rare such beautiful places of land and sea collide, the mass of green and blue only divided by strips of sand.

Perhaps here in this peaceful place Johnny can find a notch of the world he could fit in, a place to welcome him home and a group of people who can push him forward.

He couldn’t help the snort he let out at the optimistic thinking.

He should leave that up to Yuta, it didn’t really suit himself. He picked up his wooden trunk that held his small amount of worldly belongings, and set off to break in his new home. 

As he began climbing the final steps towards the blue stained front door, a child’s laugh stilled his movements.

It’s carefree ring sent him spiraling for a moment, feeling as though he must have surely transported whole worlds away from the decaying planet he left behind. But sure enough as he turned around there were two bright hazel eyes gazing up at him from below, peeking out from a curtain of long blond bangs.

“Hello. Can I help you?”

The boy blinked at Johnny’s question, as if he hadn’t prepared for the large stranger to actually speak. Recovering quickly, he responded in slurred high pitch words, a slight lisp melting his speech together.

“I-I was wondering mister if you came from the war. If you have then have you met my daddy? Mom says he’s in unit M.I.A.”

Johnny’s jaw clenched but he tried to keep it hidden, the mask of condolence and infinite patience he wore previously for his grieving comrades slipping across his face.

“I haven’t met any man who looks like you boy. How old are you by the way? What’s your name?”

The child’s eyes blinked rapidly, his face remaining passive with no hint of disappointment across it, as if asking had been more of a form of greeting then genuine hope. 

“I’m Two and a haf. Never seen my father so I don’t know what he’d look like either.”

Then he was like so many around here, a boy with no one to guide him at home except a stressed out mother who has probably already lost her husband, brother, and father. 

“And your name little one?”

“Jungwoo.”

Jungwoo huh? A pretty name for such a curious little child, still staring at him as if his appearance would unlock the mysteries of this reality. Well if he was seeking answers in this hellbent world then Johnny wanted to join him in the search.

“Who is taking care of you right now? It seems a bit odd to see one so young all alone.”

Or perhaps it was not? Now that he thinks about it, much must have changed since his own childhood so long ago. Not to mention this is a place where the culture is unknown.

Maybe this was perfectly natural?

However something about the way Jungwoo’s eyes shifted at the inquisition told Johnny that that was probably not the case. 

“Ummmm… well… Taeyong-sii takes care of me right now”, he said while pointing to the house right next to Johnny’s own, “but… but it's boring because the other kids are older and don’t want to play with me. All they want to do is play war and I don’t like war. So I often just explore on my own.”

Johnny raised an eyebrow. Often? Well he hopes he could perhaps talk to this Taeyong-sii about that kind of behavior being allowed.

“Well I am sorry they don’t want to play with you, but I think it’s time to return to your teacher now Jungwoo. It’s been a pleasure meeting you.”

Johnny gives him a big smile, one that offsets the many scars on his rough hand as he extends it out. Jungwoo looks at him with shimmering eyes, clearly unused to being so directly addressed.

He shakes his hand with reverence and a big toothy grin, following obediently as Johnny leads him to the house next door. 

As he reaches up to knock he notices the nice details painted on the edges of the door before him, large vines of lilies and rose petals decorating the sides. Whoever Taeyong is, he must have quite the creative touch. 

The sun fully rises over his shoulder, the morning light pouring over him, bathing him in it’s fiery gaze. It illuminates the door, making it look like it's glowing in the dazzling light. 

The door opens a tentative crack, and soon Johnny is enraptured by one single large eye. Color like honey and framed by long dark lashes, the eye was as beautiful as one wary eye could be, something that admittedly takes Johnny a little off guard. 

As the man’s gaze sizes up his large build and military straight lines, his lids proceed to narrow. Rationally, Johnny knows that the observations the man was making about his obvious discharge and clear good health could reasonably lead him to the conclusion he is visibly reaching: that if John was not let go of his service because of injury, then it must have been bad conduct. Yet he can’t help but chafe under the clear hostility he is being unjustly given.

Again, Johnny can admit it makes sense. They are hardly letting go of any able bodied men at the moment, and when they do the reason is never because of something honorable. 

Still, if the humiliation of being forcibly separated from his men was not enough, having this stranger treat him as if he is a traitor to the cause before he even opens his mouth must be the cherry on top. 

“Yes do you need something?”, a sharp voice asks from behind the door.

“I am here to return a wayward child. Perhaps you were looking for him? Or maybe you should have been?” 

Alright, so that was a bit much. Even Johnny winces at his patronizing tone. Hasn’t he learned over the years that all pride will get him is his face in the dirt?

As expected the beautiful man straightens and begins to frown deeper, preparing for a sharp retort, before Johnny’s words seem to sink in fully. Immediately the door is yanked open, revealing the man’s broad but lithe form. The stranger's face, which  _ is  _ in fact just as gorgeous as his single eye, is marred by a look of pure panic as he takes in Jungwoo’s slightly hunched form. 

“Jungwoo! Oh my goodness how did you escape the upstairs bathroom? You told me you were playing mermaids! And you just left? On your own again?! Oh Jungwoo you’ll give me a heart attack at 25!”

The obvious care and fretting sinks a bit of guilt in Johnny’s stomach, and he vows to make a better second impression if given the chance. 

Jungwoo is now babbling little excuses and sorries, and Taeyong simply picks him up and rocks him in his arms to soothe the apologetic boy. 

After Jungwoo is properly settled, Teayong turned back to the mass of a man at his door, looking wary still but also a bit sheepish.

“I see. Thank you for returning him mister…”

At Taeyong’s obvious pause, Johnny rushed to fill in the blank, hoping to ease the tension between them a bit.

“Johnny’s the name. I’m actually moving in next door.”

Johnny pointed to the chest still perched on his first step, giving a bit of evidence to back up his claim to the hesitant stranger. 

Taeyong blinked in clear surprise, and his face lit up with a tinge of joy. It emblazoned his features, mouth pulled back in a grin showing shining teeth like pearls in his mouth.

“Oh?! Are you Mr. Suh’s grandson by any chance? The ‘idiot who went to war but I’ll be damned if he didn’t make something of himself’ one?”

Now Taeyong’s eyes shone with a bit of wonder, widening with the kind of curiosity that comes with fresh news in a stale small town. 

Johnny cringed at the edge of admiration in Taeyong’s tone, too used to hearing young recruits calling out to him as if he was God himself there to save them, only to learn how pathetically human he really was when he couldn’t protect them. 

“Please just an idiot is fine. I’m far from the war front right now.”

Taeyong’s head leaned back a bit, reeling from the blunt response, until he broke out into a fit of downright adorable giggles. 

Johnny expected a remark on his oddness, or a statement on his good humor, maybe even a tease back if he was lucky, but he was not prepared for the way Taeyong’s tone grew quiet and his gaze piercing, as if he was looking through glass. 

“You don’t seem very far from the front lines at all Johnny-sii. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so ready to go back to that place.”

Johnny’s body tensed for a moment, as if preparing for a real attack, before he forced himself to relax. He doubted he was quite that obvious to figure out. 

He had a feeling it was more likely that Taeyong was simply the type to say what he sees, and he seems to see a lot. 

“Perhaps you’re right Taeyong-sii. It has not been very long at all, 20 days in fact. But my desires lie more in what I left than where I want to be. Alas for now I am here to stay. I need to move in soon however, so I’m afraid I have to go.”

Taeyong seemed to have realized his faux pas then, nose scrunching and eye’s distant as he began a round of self-scolding at his blunt statement. However before he could get too wrapped in his own frustration, he had to fight not to flinch as Johnny took an unexpected step forward and leaned down.

Just when Taeyong was about to question the proximity, Johnny reached out to stroke the blond hairs of the sleepy child still in his hold, and began to speak when Jungwoo’s large eyes met his once more.

“Goodbye Jungwoo. Remember to tell you playmates that you met a General in the flesh and he told you war is a terrible game to play. In fact mermaids sounds fantastic! Perhaps I can join in sometime when the Gods allow. 

For now farewell little one. I’m glad we met, but I better not see you wondering again, yeah?”

With that remark he straightened and gave a warm smile to Teayong, it’s curled corner scrunching his handsome face into a look younger than the aura he gave off. 

“It was nice meeting you as well Taeyong-sii. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

With that final note Johnny turned around, his movements holding a fighter’s grace and his long brown linen coat flaring out slightly as he made his leave.

Taeyong stood breathless for a moment, before he uttered a barely audible “Goodbye Johnny-sii”. He quickly closed the door and leaned against it for a moment, taking in all that had transpired but moments ago. 

Here’s the list of how it went down as far as Taeyong could tell:

First he acted a bit rude to who he thought was a ruffian at his door, and the man had acted rude back.

Then all the sudden, it turns out said ruffian was not only returning his wayward child, but also he was his new neighbor who he had heard pretty outlandishly amazing things from his grandfather before he passed. In fact the old man had said if there was anyone who he could trust with his legacy and name it was that kid. But how does Taeyong square that with the fact that he was clearly sent back home early?

Perhaps that was not a gap in knowledge for Taeyong to fill in with his own assumption.

He had had his own fair share of people thinking they knew him better than they did, or making judgements in moments where they could have simply talked to him. While Taeyong doubts he’ll be asking such a sensitive question anytime soon, from what he’s seen just now Johnny didn’t fit his initial judgement, and it seemed prudent to not make anymore in the meantime. 

And then there was the final fact of the encounter. 

The fact is that Johnny Suh was overwhelming. 

He was tan, skin bronzed from long days in the sun, and his face was kind despite the fact that his build was strong. Taeyong was not a short fellow, but Johnny easily surpassed him in height, and his posture was impeccable.

How did he manage to project such stability, such power, yet not intimidate a curious child? Perhaps it was that air of humility, that aura of a man who has moved past delusion’s charm, that keeps him on the ground. He did not tower over Taeyong, he simply stood strong.

If Taeyong was a soldier, he’s sure that he would have wanted to be under a man like Johnny’s command. Well maybe even he wasn’t a soldier… well now that’s too much! Certainly not something to think with a child in his arms.

Remembering Jungwoo he looked down at the boy now, staring into eyes that dazzled as if a revolution had occured in their sparkling orbs.

“Jungwoo? What are you thinking about love?”

Jungwoo’s grin grew past its usual bounds, and he giggled into his palm.

“Johnny told me he liked mermaids! Wade and Gloria were wrong! I hope I can see him soon so we can play. I think I love him Taeyong.”

At that last sentence Teayong had to blink.

“Well love is a bit strong. But I hope you can see him soon too okay? But you BETTER not sneak out to visit do you understand?”

Now Taeyong’s voice was serious and grave, and he gave a low glare to show he did not forget Jungwoo’s little adventure. Jungwoo gave a slow nod, and Teayong supposed he would have to take it.

Life sure had gotten more interesting in this short span of an afternoon. 


	3. Eye of the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well one upside of the end of the world is that I certainly have more time to write haha. I was inspired by a melancholy mood and your nice comments to write another chapter, so I hope people like it! I listened to End to Start on the Awaken album and I really recommend you listen to it while reading because it molded the vibe I ended up putting into this chapter. Hope everyone is staying safe:) See you soon!

It was raining by the time Johnny arrived at the memorial. 

The clouds had gathered almost the moment he left the house. 

All his life his sorrow always seemed to be reflected in the skies.

Maybe the Gods knew he was too cowardly to cry in the light.

The sinews of his heart thrummed underneath his chest, the beat of his steps drumming across the pebbled path. 

All he could do was look forward. Eyes unfocused on the present, he pressed on like always, one foot in front of the other. The old wound on his thigh ached, the physical pain a mercy to his throbbing eyes. How can one tell when someone is falling apart? 

Johnny wasn’t sure he knew any better than a stranger. When he looks in the mirror at his face all he can see is the new cracks, his skin darker like he tried to soak up every beam of light, his lips curling down at the corners. 

“You’ve been blessed John! You have a face that was made for a smile.”

That’s what mom always said, that his was a face with a permanent grin. He remembers a time when it felt like laughter never left his lips. He still belows, loud and outrageous, but his jokes have been tinted. All Yuta, Jaehyun, and him seem to find funny these days was themselves. Little rats scurrying around, trying to scavenge what pieces of life they can. How pathetic. How foolishly brave.

He had arrived a little bit ago, long enough for the rain to soak through to his skin but not so long that his knees began to ache. Their graves were unmarked, no permanence given to the death of those who held little status. 

But to Johnny this small tract of land held the spirit of people who used to be his everything. 

His parents had been buried on the island so they could lie next to the rest of their ancestors, the whole plot only distinguished by a small stone with a rusty plaque that read “Suh”. 

Johnny stared at the sign, his soul as weary as the tarnished screws holding on to some significance in a world that had long since moved on. Water flowed down his body, each drop slipping down his numb skin until it reached the flooded earth. When he was young he loved the smell of rain in the air. It felt fresh. It felt like growth. It felt like the birth of something new.

Now it reminded him of muddy trenches, of more lives lost to illness than arrows, of soft dirt that easily covered cold bodies. He wondered if there was growth left for him. As a soldier he had been reborn, forged from blood into steel, his purpose to fight and protect what he could.

But to be sharp you had to shave off every soft part of yourself. He had left behind the wisps of hopes and dreams for the iron of action, and abandoned his desire for peace for his efforts to limit the horrors of war. 

Yet here there was no need for steel. 

But what is he supposed to do when metal runs in his blood?

His spine would never bend again. 

Perhaps that was fine. Maybe he could be a man of metal and mercy, one who could give but never break. Already in the army he was more flexible than most, never adhering to the strict hierarchies and rigid rules which only benefited the few. 

Respect his orders but don’t be afraid to question its consequences- that’s the first thing he told every man under his command.

His decision was final, but those who carry it out should know the reasons it's being given and the results that it might bring. Obeying a command for the sake of compliance is a weak reason indeed. And he needed his men to have more strength than that. 

He had never had the time to actually visit this grave. Now standing above those he lost, he couldn’t help but grin. Life was shit. But he was glad he got what he could out of it. 

Johnny Suh wasn’t going to give up. Not on squeezing out every joy this world would allow him. 

Forget mourning here at this pitiful stretch of ground. His parents don’t rest here, and he didn’t need to see a cold plaque to remember them.

Their spirit gripped him tight, their memory cradled in his heart. He carried them with him in every step of his life. When he helped a man to stand back up, that was their generosity pushing his hand. When he nursed a wounded pup back to health, that was their kindness that moved his heart. When he forgave his friend after a long and bitter fight, that was their mercy soaked in his brain. 

Their guidance had molded him into the person he was today, and if for no one else then he would continue walking on for them, striving to be a better man. Maybe it was morbid to live his life for the dead, but right now it felt like all he really had. 

His fingers curled into his palm, the thread of fate running through his clasped hand. 

He took a long breath through his nose until the thick air stung his lungs, his eyes focused long beyond the space before him. He moved slowly, each step deliberate as it left the hollowed earth behind. 

…

Taeyong hadn’t watched the waves in a while. 

He doesn’t know what compelled him to come out now, as the sea swirled in a storm. 

He had a bright yellow umbrella above him, but the wind still lashed the rain into his skin. It felt like the urge to go see the ocean in its  fervorous  motion just gripped him, pulling him out of his warm home to stand here in front of this landscape of blue and grey.

The salt was heavy in the air, stinging his eyes every time he blinked. His toes curled in his thick boots, his mind as tumultuous as this sea. 

It felt like he was on the precipice of something. There was anticipation crawling around in his gut, but he couldn’t think of what was coming up. His life had always been steady. Some would even call it drawl. Every morning he woke up and made himself black tea with honey, watching the sunrise from his back window. Then he went about his day: buying groceries at the market, taking care of the kids, meeting with Doyoung for a drink. Then he went to bed, breathing almost silent in the quiet of the night. 

Yet he could feel his world shaking, thrumming like a harp’s string still reeling from being struck. But he couldn’t figure out when this shift had started or where it was going to settle. So all he could do is ride on its crest, relaxing into its pull until he could figure out if this was actually where he wanted to go. 

Still, it was making him feel on edge, like he was about to fall into something so deep he wouldn’t know how to let go. Anticipation was a lot like anxiety, the only real difference was whether one expected the future to be bad or good. And right now Taeyong didn’t know enough to be either. So he just let the pressure build up, tamping down on it when he could. Bottling was never his favorite solution, but until a path forward lit up he would have to just keep walking into the unknown. 

His lips were now an ashy purple, and his bony fingers had long begun to shake. No matter the empathy he felt with this stormy sea, it was time to get back to his warm home and present reality. He turned away ready to move on when he paused. There walking slowly along the main path was a dark figure, clearly exposed to the pouring rain. 

For a moment he felt fear, a jolt down his spine as he realized that in this space him and this stranger existed alone. As his eyes focused however, he recognized the crisp lines of the man, his steps measured like every movement was under inspection. Those steps continued until they only stood a few meters apart, their faces now clear.

Johnny looked colder in the rain.

Even when they had met under a hostile air he hadn’t seemed distant, not in the way he did now. His hair looked black where it dripped from where he had slicked it back, his skin paler as it reflected the grayish light. His eyes looked like stone rather than earth, hard and flat.

Taeyong’s breath stalled in his chest, his feet still planted on the ground as he stood waiting. His grip on his umbrella was tight, and his other hand began to fiddle with the buttons at the end of his dark read coat. His finger caught on the thread in the middle, the rough string irritating the delicate skin under his nail. 

Johnny stared at Taeyong for a moment before he gave him a smile that was so…

Delicate. 

Not fragile, on the edge of breaking, but soft. More like velvet than silk.

It wasn’t smooth like glass, but gentle like the fur on a dog’s new winter pelt. 

It was a smile without the expectation of a response, it was a gift given simply for another’s joy.

Taeyong felt dazzled for a moment by the simple slight upturn of this man’s lips.

But Johnny seemed like a person whose lips carry heavy burdens, like they have parted to cry out in pain and sorrow more than they have whispered the words I love you. And yet here, for Taeyong, he has found the strength to smile.

Taeyong returns the favor with a sweet grin of his own, eyes shining even in the murky light of a day covered in grey. He waits a moment to collect his thoughts, but ends up speaking without much thought anyway, part of his bad habit of overthinking every option until all that was left was spontaneous action. 

“Hello Johnny it’s good to see you again. Would you like to share my umbrella for the walk home?”

Johnny’s smile widened, and a gleam of mischief reached his dark eyes. 

“I’m not sure an umbrella can save me now, I’m afraid I’m long past soaked. But I wouldn’t mind your company on the walk home if that’s what you’re really offering.”

Taeyong flushed at his obvious overlook, and swallowed against the embarrassment which threatened to stain his response with a hint of defensive annoyance. Instead he kept his smile gentle, and accepted the vulnerability of opening his arms. 

“I would like it if you wanted to walk with me.”

Johnny eyebrows rose a bit, the gleam in his eyes melting into a quiet light. Once again his smile widened, this time pushing his cheeks up until they narrowed his eyes.

“I would love to. I’ve been wanting to chat since we met. How’s Jungwoo?”

Taeyong ignored the spike in his pulse when he heard Johnny had desired to meet again, and instead latched on to the conversation starter which he could talk for hours on. 

“Jungwoo is fine although still a bit of an adventurer. Too much for his own good really. I’ve told him that it's fine to wonder and wander, but he has to stay close enough for me to keep an eye on him. But with a head like his that’s so firmly in the clouds, my warnings are always in one ear and out the other.”

Now they were walking step in step, Johnny clearly slowing his pace to make up for the greater distance he could cover. Taeyong tried to quicken his step as well, but he also didn’t want to look like he was in a rush, so they ended up at a languid tempo. 

“Yes he seemed like a boy who was more in another realm than this. But that also has let him see this world so much clearer. The way he talked was with the wisdom of an outsider, a little out of place here but also more observant of the ways in which this world has learned to suffer. In a way all children are like that- observing society but not quite a part of it yet. It makes me think we could learn so much from them if we bothered to listen.”

Taeyong reeled from Johnny’s unexpectedly empathetic response, trying to understand what he meant and where he was coming from. 

“I agree. I think a child’s opinion is much too valuable to waste, and that dismissal of their opinion creates adults who do not know how to value their own wisdom. Of course they can say nonsense as well, but I dare say it's rarer than most adults I’ve met.”

This cheeky retort gets a good chuckle out of Johnny, clearly a fan of sharp humour even at his own expense. 

“Yes well, we can’t all seem to comprehend such difficult truths such as war is bad and playing with mermaids is more fun than playing with a gun. Jungwoo is surely ahead of the game if only he doesn’t let our idiocy corrupt him. I only wished I had such insight when I was young.”

There was that hint of bittersweet taste again, Johnny’s voice light but his words implying a wound of regret. Taeyong didn’t want to dig into something bloody, but he was never good at holding back a question once curiosity got a hold of him. 

“Do you regret it? Going into the army that is? Not to pry…”

Taeyong left the rest of it unsaid, an invitation that hopefully wouldn’t feel like a shove into the open if Johnny wanted to remain closed. Johnny seemed to consider the question without insult, almost like he needed time to ask himself that question.

“I don’t regret it all. I don’t regret going, because I played an important role there. I don’t regret the people I’ve met, even those who didn’t make it to see today. I don’t regret the pain, because that’s shaped me into who I am today. But I do miss it. I miss what I’ve lost and I miss what I’ve never known. But I guess that’s just the foolish nature of man, to miss the illusion of what could have been better.”

Taeyong’s heart ached but his head rationalized, tucking away this new information and piecing together the man who walked beside him.

“Be foolish then. It must be the mercy of the Gods to still give men the image of a world that could be fixed. I don’t think there’s any reason to settle for the pull of pain, if we can imagine a time when things can change.”

Johnny peered at his face under long lashes, seeming transfixed for a moment before stepping onward once more, feet splashing against the puddled pavement. 

“What a pretty idea you’ve painted. Mercy of the Gods huh?” He snorted but didn’t sound sarcastic, a small smile on his lips despite the dismissive words he uttered.

“I suppose mercy is all we can ask for when our pain is mostly our own creation.”

They walked along the rest of the path in simple silence, the journey short before they reached the area in front of Taeyong’s door. Taeyong turned to Johnny and gave a small nod of his head and a boxy smile. 

“It was good seeing you again. I suppose I’ll see you around soon.”

Johnny gave a polite smile of his own, looking warmer as the rain began to slow to a drizzle above their heads. 

“Yes it was good talking to you. I’m sure we will.”

And with that they both turned away, both feeling more sure of their next meeting than they thought possible. 

Taeyong moved to unlock his door, his mind still at storm, but his heart calm in its eye. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. A new dawn

Johnny’s body often ached in the morning. 

The dawn's light filtered through his dark green curtains until it reached his rustic kitchen table, its delicate rays sparkling in his morning coffee. The world seemed still, and his movements were careful in an attempt to not disrupt the peace. He leaned back, stretching his arms above his head until his shoulder gave a satisfying pop. He gulped down the last couple of sips of his treasured drink and moved towards the sink to wash his cup.

He rinsed out the dark sludge and looked up out the kitchen window, spotting movement at the top of his field of vision. There, with his face smushed against Taeyong’s upstairs window, was Jungwoo. Johnny let out a little chuckle at the boy’s distorted features, his little pants fogging up the window where his nose lay crooked against the glass. He observed for a moment until Jungwoo’s wide eyes glanced down and focused on him, causing him to raise his hand and give a wave. 

The sudden joy that lit up in Jungwoo’s features gave him a warm tingling in his gut. Johnny wasn’t sure when the last time his mere presence caused a person such happiness. Maybe his mother on his last visit home. But that was long ago indeed. So he allowed himself this slice of excitement, shoving his grinning face forward until his own nose squished against the glass.

Jungwoo’s laugh was even more amusing in silence, his whole body convulsing and his eyes formed into two perfect crescents, like his whole being was being eclipsed in delight.  Johnny pulled back and Jungwoo began to blabber something, his hands moving more than his mouth. 

Johnny shook his head and tapped his ear, trying to let him know he couldn’t hear him from this distance. Jungwoo just looked confused and then disappointed, his mouth pushing into a pout and his shoulders slumping. He waved and then bounced away, flinging himself down the dark wood of the hallway. 

Ah well it was fun while it lasted. And Johnny did have to head out to interview soon, his position as an entry level blacksmith at stake. While he had quite a bit of money saved from his salary as a soldier (What would he spend it on if he didn’t drink much and was not a big gambler?), and the “award” money he received once he was forced to retire (aka hush ‘please-don’t-come-back’ money), the truth was that a job would be good for him. Modest riches aside, it mattered little to him now if he could live comfortably for a few years coasting, not when his body yearned for work.

Most of his adult life he had structure, a tight schedule and important duties to be done. Now he had time, money, and a massive guilt complex which equated resting with slacking off and relaxing with disrespect to others. To be frank he couldn’t wait to get to work. And spending his days mindlessly pounding out swords and tea kettles sounded like just the job for him. 

He still had around an hour before he had to leave, so he figured he’d pull off his sleepwear and change into the shirt and jeans he planned to wear for the day. He was glad for his decision when, but moments after he got his shirt over his head, the doorbell rang. While a couple of neighbors had taken it upon themselves to welcome him to the area (and introduce their single daughters and sons), there hadn’t been someone at his door for at least a week. Reluctantly, he reached for the brass door handle, and prepared his most polite smile. 

To his pleasant surprise it wasn’t another noisy neighbor but Taeyong, and what looked like a very excited Jungwoo in his arms. 

“Mister Johnny! I realized you couln’t hear me from waaaay down here so I asked Taeyong-ssi very nicely to take me to see you.”

Johnny’s grin only grew as he listened to Taeyong inform Jungwoo that “pleading and crying and pulling on my pants leg until I caved” was  _ not,  _ in fact, a nice way to ask to visit. He figured he should interrupt once they moved on to a heated debate over whether simply adding ‘please’ at the end of a demand did, or did not, make something nice. 

“Well I am so glad to see you, even if you could have been a little more patient in your request.”

Taeyong shot him a grateful smile, and Jungwoo flashed him a beaming grin, so Johnny decided he could give himself a full back on the back for that one. 

“Good! Can we come in please? Or can you come over please?”

Johnny leaned down and pat the golden strands at the crest of Jungwoo’s head, thinking about his options. 

“I’ll tell you what, I don’t have time for a full hang out since I’m afraid I have an interview soon at the blacksmiths. But I know the park is only a few blocks away and if Taeyong feels comfortable I could join you there for a bit.”

Taeyong straightened up immediately, his already full eyes growing impossibly wide.

“No no no Johnny-sii, we didn’t mean to disturb you when you were busy please let us get out of your way-”

“Tae~yongie! Please can we go to the park for a bit pleeeeeaasse? You know Wade will be fine on his own he’s 9- that’s almost fully grown! And he’s going to be practicing his sword fighting all day. PLLLLEEASE?!”

Taeyong glanced between Jungwoo’s pleading face and Johnny’s amicable grin and sighed, practically shoving Jungwoo into Johnny’s arms, which quickly tightened around the kid. 

“Fine. I’ll go tell Wade and then I’ll be right over. Could you care for Jungwoo for a moment?”

His eyebrow was raised in a slight challenge, as if asking Johnny if he had any idea was he was getting himself into. With a dignified sniff, Johnny nodded, going so far as to wave his hand in dismissal. Taeyong just left with a shake of his head.

Soon Johnny realized that Newton was totally wrong. 

If gravity affected everything equally then how could Jungwoo bounce off the walls with seemingly infinite energy? The boy was a tornado in a bottle that was for sure. But truthfully Johnny enjoyed it, going so far as to jump around with the child as they waited for Taeyong's return. He squeezed Jungwoo in a tight hug, laughing at his high pitched whines. Then h e put him on his shoulders, looking up at Jungwoo’s gasp.

“Sooo high~”

Jungwoo's deep eyes glimmered with wonder, his head turning around like he was looking at a whole new world. 

When an impatient knock rang at the door Johnny forced him to get down, carrying him along and opening up the door. There Taeyong stood, looking a little tousled but still stunning. The morning sun framed his face until he looked ethereal in the rays of white light. Johnny paused a moment to take in the picture, and then gave Taeyong a wide smile.   
  


“Shall we get going? I take everything worked out with Wade?”

Taeyong’s eyes narrowed in slight suspicion, but he answered the question without comment, a little stress clipping his tone.

“Fine. He will indeed simply practice until we come home. He stays on his own all of Friday every week anyway so it’s not like he’s not used to it. Still we should head out soon.” 

He reached out to take Jungwoo out of Johnny's hold but Jungwoo gripped on tightly, pouting at Taeyong.

“I wanna stay with Johnny please~. I want to be high up and Taeyong-sii is too low to the ground.”

The picture of shock on Taeyong’s face was iconic, his mouth fully unhinged. Johnny suppressed his laughter vigilantly, smothering any snicker that bubbled up to his lips. They headed down the street at a leisurely pace, stopping every once in a while as Jungwoo pointed something out, or asked endless questions about new subjects.

From groundhogs to steel types to hair textures, Jungwoo tried to shake Johnny down for any insight he had to offer. Some he had more to say than others (groundhogs? They came out in spring and burrowed in holes. Steel types? He knew quite a bit. Hair textures? He couldn’t really say- something about a root?). Taeyong poked in to the conversation when he wished to, but mostly remained quiet, simply observing the dynamic unfolding before him. 

Johnny was patient but firm, taking any question but not guaranteeing an answer. Taeyong would be lying if he didn’t recognize his natural touch with Jungwoo. When they reached the park Taeyong mostly sat to the side while Johnny and Jungwoo walked around chatting or roughhousing, playing around in the green clover patches. Taeyong took the moment to relax, finally assured that Jungwoo was in decent hands. He looked up at the bright sky, feeling the gust of breeze blow through him like he was a leaf sailing in its current. 

He didn’t even notice the time pass until a shadow swallowed his face, his eyes opening to a sight of Johnny and Jungwoo’s eyes firmly focused on his face.

“Huh. Normally your face is more scrunchy Taeyong-sii.”

Taeyong just sighed, reaching out to take Jungwoo from Johnny’s hold. Johnny gave him an impish grin, eyes warm with his full lips spread wide.

“I’m glad you had a bit of time to relax Taeyong-sii. I’m afraid I really have to go. I hope you and Jungwoo have a good rest of your day.”

Taeyong nodded, his eyes holding a soft light in them.

“Anytime. Thank you for taking care of him. If- I mean not to imply anything… but if you need some company come knock on my door between 1-4 most days and if Jungwoo is with me than we can go out again. I know an empty house can be nice but it can also be cold.”

Johnny felt his next breath come a little easier, and his smile turned gentler. 

“Thank you, really. Goodbye.”

Taeyong watched as Johnny’s back grew smaller, holding on to Jungwoo with one hand and clutching at his thigh with the other.

…

Several days later Taeyong was drinking tea with Doyoung, describing his past couple of days.

“Hmm… Yong it sounds like this guy _is_ pretty nice, but I don’t trust him. I mean what the hell could he have done to have gotten discharged in this day and age? For the Gods sake, I was just talking to that sweet girl Joyung who I went to school with for a bit- you know the one that cried on finals day- poor girl, and she said they just took her grandfather for the war! Her grandfather Yongie! Granted he was only 55, but by Gods they are desperate. And they cut off this supposedly genius general? It just isn’t adding up.”

“Oh Do I know. But it isn’t up to me to unearth his painful past. And I can’t keep making negative assumptions about a man who has shown me nothing but kindness. Well he was a little rude the first day, but so was I. No Doie don’t make that face, it was really fine, just a bit of snark. Lord knows Jungwoo treats me worse everyday before his nap. I’m just saying I’m still weary okay, I’m not trusting him before I know more.”

Doyoung took a long sip from his flower printed cup, sighing into the night air. 

“I know, I know you’re careful, I just worry. Remember that bastard who seemed so sweet until he tried to force himself on you last year? You just never know. And you live alone, and you… well you look like that.” He indicated his meaning with a general wave of his hand at Taeyong’s face, which Taeyong batted away with a slight blush, always shy when it comes to compliments, even the implied kind. He let out a sigh of his own, turning to look out the open window into the deep meadow.

“How is the business Do? I know you said it was a little slow.”

Doyoung let out a groan, rubbing at his tired eyes and resting his head back, letting his eyelashes fan out on his cheek as he closed them. 

“I should be asking you the same. I know spring is a tough time for flower shopping, since most feel like they could just pluck them anywhere on the street.”

Taeyong gave a bitter chuckle. 

“Oh you know, this war will always keep me in business. No one wants roadside flowers on their husband’s grave. That's all that’s left in the world, the dead and those who have learned to profit off them.” 

Doyoung patted Taeyong’s curled hand, stroking his thumb to give him a little comfort in the cold atmosphere. 

“Oh Yong. You give comfort to those you can and you always have. You constantly supported me when my father passed away, you grow flowers in remembrance of loved ones who have moved on, and you look after those kids to help the mothers in town out. You're always giving whatever you can. The war hasn’t taken your gentle touch, nor your generous spirit. In a world that thirsts for blood and grows riches from its waters, that is testament enough.”

Taeyong allowed himself to soak in the words, to grip onto what peace it gave him. Pain couldn’t bring anyone back from the dead, and he owes it to no one to suffer. If anything their sacrifice should push him to live another day, and move on with happiness. Grief and guilt clung onto him with sharp claws, and he knew they would only tear him apart. But sometimes he could only feel their touch, with no other hands to hold him near. He shook off their clutch, and smiled at the warmth of his oldest friend. 

“So are you still painting Yongie? I missed your paint splatters on my clothes.”

Taeyong smiled despite the tease, beaming as he pointed to a newly covered cabinet. It was a sun and moon, swirling together in a clash of color. Blue mixed with red, splashes of black and white everywhere. 

“I just finished with this one yesterday. I guess I felt inspired. Everyone knows that old poem, and I wish so desperately for a new dawn for us Doie.”

Doyoung inspected the work, relieved that Taeyong was still keeping with old hobbies, and interested in the colors he chose. 

“I like it Yongie I really do. And I know our new dawn is soon, we will fight to make sure it is so.”

Taeyong admired that fierce look in Doyoung’s eyes, the one that first drew him in. Taeyong was a fighter but not in the abstract. He fought for those he loved, he didn’t understand how to push back against a huge issue. But this war does affect those he loves, and he will fight to keep hope that it will end one day. 

Sometimes that’s all you can do. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnyong is thriving and thus so am I. I loved this weekly idol episode where they were both so sweet, to each other and others. So here is a little less angsty (kind of) chapter! I don't like constant sadness so let me know if its ever a little much and hopefully I can cut it up with some fluff or humor. See you next chapter!


	5. Steel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all so I'm finally back for another chapter:) I know this is a little later then usual, but I have to admit it's harder to stay motivated on this fic since I'm not getting a whole lot of feedback on it. No blame for real, just stating the truth since it makes me feel less accountable to write more lmao. But I do really love this story and Johnyong, so I'm continuing on for sure and I hope you join me! I actually got down a solid plan for the rest of the story now, so I'm excited to share it with you guys soon. Hope everyone is staying healthy! :)

Johnny woke up when the sun was already high in the sky, his curtains barely able to cover its intense beams. It was one of his days off, his late start rarer now that he worked 5 days a week at the blacksmith’s parlor. It had been a month since he had started the job, and the work helped alleviate some of the buzz in his mind and body. He had bonded with his coworkers somewhat, but they were far from good friends. Most of the men had homes to return to or mouths to feed while they could, as most of these able bodied men were either older than 50 or already past the 12 year maximum conscription and making up for lost time. He suspects even those who already served will be called back sometime if nothing changes, and he has a feeling they know it too.

So he mostly spends his days pounding metal in ringing silence, or eating and reading once he gets home. On his Fridays off he frequents Taeyong’s house to play with Jungwoo, growing a little closer to both of them as he continues to show up week after week. At first he mostly spoke only to the kid, Jungwoo surprised by how willing Johnny was to play pretend. But he wasn’t kidding about thinking that mermaids were cooler than soldiers, and he found Jungwoo’s imagination an important escape from the dull beat of his daily life. It felt like time only tasted like anything in the moments before sunrise and the long hours he stared at his dark ceiling after sunset. 

He and Jungwoo explored the world together in Taeyong’s little backyard, and sometimes even made longer trips into the meadows around the back. They hunted for treasure, and explored ancient ruins, making sure to complement each mermaid’s hair they met while sailing to the next island and to feed any stray dogs when they got there. They made snacks out of the berries and foraged plants Johnny advised Jungwoo to pick, and learned how to tell the directions by the northern star. 

They made up lore about destiny and adventure, prophesying that whoever traveled on the path of the north star will find their greatest desire at the end of its light. And when the trip was over they climbed back inside the house, removing muddy boots by the backdoor and washing their hands in the washroom sink. Johnny scrubbed his first and then held onto Jungwoo so he could rinse his own grubby small fingers. By that time Taeyong would often have a late lunch ready, always well prepared and much appreciated. 

Lunch was a calm affair, although it got more lively as the month went on. At first Johnny and Taeyong were polite, if a little stiff around the edges. Soon enough however they began to give little chats of their week to one another, with both learning some of the long threads of stories that wove into each other’s lives. Taeyong would ask about Gother and his newly pregnant wife from work, and in turn Jonny would inquire about how Wade’s training was coming along. Jungwoo was still there to keep them coming back, but he was no longer the only thing pulling them together. 

With the warm food in his stomach and a mug of tea in hand, Johnny would often spend time on Taeyong’s couch long into the night. Johnny knew that it wasn’t just the good company that kept him on that plush sofa. It was the darkness that would come to greet him in his own home, the silence that hung over those walls. The soft bed and the cold nights. Even lying on muddy grounds shivering beside his men, he never was colder at night than in his new comfy bed. 

‘Bang!’, his hammer struck a hunk of metal only barely forming into the shape of a long blade. ‘Bang!’, it comes down again, his muscles screaming as the veins in his arm bulges. ‘Bang!’ the hollow sounds echos in his head, ricocheting off his steel walls. He lived his life here in these clashes of metal, each moment only existing in between each strike. It reminded him enough of war for him to sleep at night.

But his days with Jungwoo and Taeyong felt different. They weren’t loud like a hammer smashing iron into place, they were loud like a child’s squealing laugh. Jungwoo was bright and free, his light steps lifting a small weight from Johnny’s own. And while originally he only came for Jungwoo, he began to appreciate his conversations with Taeyong as well. The man was kind in a way Johnny had lost long ago, and more generous than any person he had ever seen. As they grew closer, Johnny began to realize that maybe Taeyong was much more than just polite.

“Can I ask you Johnny-sii, have you ever regretted killing someone?”

Taeyong’s eyes were quiet, his irises like the still water in Johnny’s old family’s pond. He used to spend hours splashing in those waters, delighting as each ripple swirled around him. His mind flashed to countless memories, his arms dripping with fresh blood and his hands steady against the slick grip of his weapon. He is ashamed to admit that these moments have blurred together, no doubt many lost to the void when even killing became routine to him.

“I wish I could say I have. I want to tell you a tragedy of sin, a tale of woe and blood and ruined humanity. But all I have for you is the jagged edge of a man who has killed longer than he has lived. I can’t remember any particular case where I did regret it.”

Taeyong didn’t even blink, his gaze long and his face fair. There was no condemnation but no excuses, his next words not given to judge or pardon.

“I see. Can I ask then what is your biggest regret then? I am curious what a man who has lived such as you didn’t get.”

Johnny smiled, his face bittersweet as he thought about how he could explain his truth in a way that another could try and understand. His hair fell slowly down his face until it tickled against the bridge of his nose, and he brushed it away as he spoke. 

“You’d be surprised at all I never had. Loss is hard to take, but it shows you the value of what you had, and regret is pointless unless it can help you take another path in the present. These are emotions of the past, and I don’t dwell long on what is already gone. No, I suffer from a much sicker affliction. I hold deep desires for the future. An aching hope for a time where my face cracks along my laugh lines, and I wake up at peace with where I am.”

Johnny hadn’t even noticed Taeyong’s hand slip into his until he felt a tight squeeze to his curled fingers. When he looked up those still waters had parted, revealing a well of love. Not the look of a lover or even a friend, but the love of someone who is willing to bear another's burdens without resentment of their weight.

“Thank you for your honesty. I know this is a dangerous thing to say to a man like you, but I hope you see that future too. Even if it is only at the end.”

Johnny nodded, his neck too stiff to utter a more verbal response, and his gripped Taeyong’s palm tightly to his own. The air was warm around them, a breeze blowing in from the open door to the backyard. Suddenly Jungwoo’s figure came pouring in through the passageway, and both men’s attention refocused elsewhere.

That had been a week ago, and today was the day he went back to see his neighbors once more. This morning he woke up with a heavy stomach. There was a stone hanging low in his gut, a spark that had been missing for a while pulsing in his center. It tasted like iron, it felt like eyes on his back. It was adrenaline, tensing his muscles even while he simply sat. He breathed in long and hard, attempting to ease the sudden onslaught of fear flooding his mind. But he has lived too long not to trust this sensation. It had saved him from a blade in the back more times than he can count.

So when a loud and hurried knock pounded on his door, he stood up calmly and prepared for what the world had brought him. When he opened the door he was glad for the preparation, as the sight of Taeyong crumbling down on his entryway was startling. Taeyong’s pupils were softly shaking and rimmed with red, his neat hair worried into a frenzied nest. Everything about him looked distraught and wrung out, yet he remained steady on his own two feet. Johnny could respect a person who could fall apart while standing up.

…

Before a word could be said Johnny wrapped an arm around Taeyong’s broad shoulders and pushed him in through the door, Taeyong trying not to stumble as he made his way to the green chair in the corner. The light was still bright in the room, but Taeyong could only see the shadows.

“What happened?”, Came Johnny’s curt voice, gentle but demanding. Taeyong took a deep breath, and tried to steady his voice as he spoke.

“Jungwoo is gone. This morning a neighbor of his informed me that he’s missing, and that there’s no one left to look for him. His mother hung herself last night. The same neighbor told me some military men came to Jungwoo’s mother’s door earlier yesterday to tell her the news that they could confirm it: her husband died two years ago. We all knew but...it’s different to know and to be told. She was already struggling with her mother passing a few years from that third wave of sickness that harsh winter, and I think it was too much and... And that’s it I guess. But no one knew until the morning and by then Jungwoo was gone. Run away from must have been a horrible sight oh _ god. _ And now he’s alone and there’s nothing I can DO!”

Teayong didn’t hear any movement apart from the pounding in his ears, and his face was buried deep into his own palms as he thought of the horrors that had already occurred and those that might face Jungwoo in the near future. The panic was writhing in his mind, unconstrained by reason when a person close to his own child was now in unknown danger. But he did finally feel Johnny’s large cool palms in case his head, soothing the burn of his own immune system rejecting this awful news. 

When Taeyong looked up Johnny’s face was placid, cold as stone. Taeyong had the urge to pull away, unsure about what was to come.

“Taeyong there is something you can do. I have heard what you said and I suspect I know what path he is following. While he has at least a half a day on us, and we can’t be sure exactly, I know I am willing to search to bring him back. And I think you should come.”

Taeyong paused, confused for a moment by what Johnny was really offering. He blinked slowly, mind still a bit far out as he continued to process. But even as his thoughts lagged behind his body reacted, spine straightening and breath coming out a little softer.

“You think we can find him? Why would you know where he is going to go, did he tell you someplace he felt safe or wanted to reach?”

Johnny shook his head and once again reached out to smooth a hand over Taeyong’s bouncing knee. 

“No, I don’t know his destination, I only suspect his path. The path of the north star. We told stories about how following it will lead you to your greatest desire. I suspect that he would turn to this hope while distressed and desperate. In fact, since he clearly didn’t go to your house where he knows he would have been safer, I’m sure he’s out there searching for something more.”

Taeyong felt a pull of icy hope gather in his chest, pins and needles of feeling returning to his limbs. When he looked up again at Johnny, he wondered how he could have ever mistaken his expression as cold. His face wasn’t stone, it was steel. He wasn’t calm, he was determined. There was a fire in his eyes which Taeyong had thought was simply a gleam of light. Taeyong knew Johnny would go with or without him, and he suddenly felt sure of something in a time when nothing else felt steady. 

So with that reassurance anchoring him down, he made up his own mind about the matter. He couldn’t stop the pain that was already inflicted on Jungwoo, but he would do anything he could from here on to prevent more pain from coming his way. 

“I’m in. I don’t know what I can do to help but I want to be there searching as well, and I want to comfort him when we find him. Jungwoo has suffered enough, and I will do whatever I can to make sure it doesn’t happen anymore.”

Johnny just gave him a sharp grin and a pleased hum, his eyes already looking like they’re planning their next step. 


	6. Thorns in the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry I took a long break from stuff for a while I had a lot happening, but I did really appreciate the comments last chapter and I'll try to update sooner. Honestly I really like my writing on this fic so sometimes its hard to update quick since I want to get it right. Anyway I hope everyone is doing well and streaming Punch, hope you like this chapter! If you want to chat about the plot or just Johnyong in general please leave a comment :).

Packing for a journey of an unknown timeline with one Johnny Suh was the second most stressful event of Taeyong’s young life.

The first was, of course, when his mother left him at the park for a whole 3 hours and Doyoung pushed him into a puddle. And while that memory still haunts him, he was beginning to think this might overtake it if he had to explain the right way to fold a knitted scarf one more damn time. 

“Johnny, please, please, just prepare the food and let me take care of this. You can make some bread to bring with us, didn’t you say you like making bread?”

Johnny’s raised eyebrow said he didn’t love Taeyong’s impatient tone, but the considering tilt of his head said he  _ did,  _ in fact, like making bread. Mind made up, Johnny departed the room with a hearty chuckle and a pat on Taeyong’s head. 

Taeyong pretended he didn’t like that long enough for Johnny to make it out of the living room door, and then allowed a gentle smile to grace his lips. He began to tuck his sixth shirt sleeves inside first, then folded it into perfect squares, and then contemplated if he was insane for telling his crush to fuck off because he couldn’t get the right creases on his pants. Ignoring that thought as fast as he could, he then wondered if he needed another shirt for the journey. There were probably going to be laundry houses in the towns they were passing, but no doubt they would be sweating through many shirts if their journey was going to be long. He decided on one more before he cut himself off, after all the more weight he put in here the more sweating he would be doing. 

Finalizing their packs he left enough room for a solid bag or two or food and then moved to the doorway of the kitchen, a sweet smelling vapor already reaching his nose. Looking in he saw Johnny back against the counter and face turned towards the window, flour on his black shirt a sharp contrast to the distant look on his face. For a moment Taeyong imagined him as the man he was for so long, posture straight facing a bloody battle, raising a weapon in the air with a loud cry. It wasn’t as hard to picture as he thought even though he had never seen anything like it, the tales of war what most people talked about these days. 

Johnny’s face was bold, outlined by the midday sun casting stark shadows across his handsome face, and Taeyong almost didn’t want to disturb the painted scene before him. But Jungwoo would not have the luxury of rest, and thus Taeyong would not delay any longer.

“Johnny is the bread ready? I’d like to head out soon if we could.”

Johnny looked back at him and smiled, body coming into motion like a statue cracking from its long held pose.

“Yeah it should be out any minute now. I gather the rest of the supplies into two piles on that table, so feel free to pack that now and we can put the bread in last.”

Taeyong quietly did as he suggested, and soon enough both men had their full bags slung across their shoulders. As they walked out the door and into the harsh light Taeyong wondered at the experience he had just signed up for. While he had dabbled outside his hometown he had never gone on what one would classify as an “adventure”, his life mainly revolving around his home and the people that filled it. Now he was set off with a former general to find a lost little boy who could be anywhere. Not what he pictured for his life right now, but it was the path he was determined to take.

…

They had set off 5 hours ago, and now the world was growing dark. Just as he had expected sweat had soaked through Taeyong’s back, the fabric rough where it was sticking against this skin. As the cool evening breeze blew through the valley they were climbing through a chill ran down his spine, and worry nagged at the back of his mind about what this night was to bring. They had a small tent with enough flint to start tonight’s fire and food for the time being, but it still felt jarring to realize that they weren’t headed toward any real shelter.

He had never been a huge camper, his parents had little time for long trips into the woods or friends that would be interested in that. Taeyong loved the forest as he loved all of nature, with its dark crevices full of potential creatures and its vibrant colors of a landscape in motion. He felt at home here in the sunlight, a kind of return to kin. But he had never faced its force at night, and the energy was very different. A simple rustle of leaves that used to put him at peace felt like the thunder before a storm, and he was sure he would have already hunkered down if he wasn’t so focused on simply following Johnny’s broad back.

It was that same back that he barged into as the man in front came to a stop, Taeyong left rubbing his nose in embarrassment as Johnny chuckled and then spoke. 

“Settling here near the edge of this clearing would be a good spot. There is a large rock to our back and that's always an advantage for cover. Could you start the fire if I nailed down the tent?”

Taeyong nodded and got to work, crossing the soft grass until he reached a rocky cropping he could set up their flame. They both worked in silence as the forest swirled around them, birds chirping from above and the night breeze sweeping through the grass below. After the sticks were situated Taeyong striked his flint against a stone, eager to get a speck of warmth in the crisp night air. As the sparks grew he blew on them gently, nurturing the beginnings of the fire to life like a baby nursing from its mother. 

As the flames grew high in the sky he looked at it’s flickering light with pride, and when Johnny came to clap his back and give him a distinct smile he felt a special feeling tingle at his spine. Staring into the warped flickering light with Johnny kneeling by his side the previous discomfort of the dark forest retreated, and a warmth from the inside seized the pit of his stomach. There had never been a second when he had felt truly uncomfortable around Johnny since their first meeting, and even here in strange circumstances he felt the urge to relax the shoulders that had been creeping up his neck. 

Johnny was gentle, an old worn kindness in his actions that told Taeyong he had always treated the world better than it treated him. His shoulders made Taeyong feel like he wanted to rest on them, and his eyes made Taeyong feel like he could lean in. Sometimes he felt crazy for finding home in two large scarred hands. Unconscious about his movements Taeyong tilted down and rested his head on Johnny’s thigh, both of them enjoying the peaceful moment while they could. The flames danced across their faces, scattering warm colors across their relaxed features.

Finally emerging from the silence Johnny found his voice, his tone as tepid as the air beside them.

“What are you looking for out of this life Taeyong?”

It lingered there, a question that could be an explosion or a nod. “A person who makes others happy” he could say, “A good son and mother”. “Something to someone” he would say if he was feeling especially lonely. He opened his mouth without thinking.

“I want happiness and peace, a steady beat of my heart and someone to hold me as I fall asleep. I want to laugh in my dreams. But most of all I want a life full of love. Love for others and love for me that shines in another’s eyes, I want to rest at love's feet and fall into her crystal waters. I want to love my work and know I spread love in this world by doing it.”

Johnny’s quiet breaths were deafening to the pounding of his ears, the moment so bright it was blinding.

“Love is a lot to ask for. But I have the confidence you’ll find it, Taeyong. You spin love with your every breath, when you look into a flower’s petals or a child’s wide eyes. Love isn’t something you have to find, it’s something you sow. Love returns, and when you hold it deep into your heart you pull it to you like moonlight to the ocean. Wear love on your every word and you will see it reflected in another's face.”

Taeyong swallowed, something thick stuck in his throat. It felt like sand, rough and gritty where something had been destroyed, it felt like marbles, polished glass where something had been smoothed over so it could be sunk into his stomach. He wanted to disagree with the sentiment that seemed so pretty, but it was sweet like flowers on a grave, obviously covering something sad. Was love was a lot to ask for from oneself?

“I like to love. And I think it isn’t too much to desire when you so clearly give your heart to anyone who dares to ask. All Jungwoo had to say was hello and you held him close. I know you are not as cold as you make yourself out to be Johnny.”

Johnny turned his face away from the burning flames and looked down into Taeyong’s starry pupils, a moment of true fear making his face seem years younger.

“I have never asked for anything. This life has given, it has taken, it has been cut short and lingered much too long, but I have never begged. Not in the light of the day or the lonely rays of the moon have I prayed for more. But now as I face life’s true spectrum I wonder… if I just never had the courage to say it. That I want to live, and I want that life to be full of love.”

Taeyong couldn’t stand the way Johnny whispered the last part, like a secret he didn’t want the Gods to hear. Johnny was stone, strong and steady and hiding little cracks, places that life had never granted him the time to heal. The stone would never be the same, but that didn’t mean that flowers couldn’t grow in its old fissures. Taeyong just turned, wrapping his arms around Johnny’s middle and propping himself up to bury his head in his stomach. Johnny’s warm fingers corded through his damp hair, smoothing out the tangles there.

As the night grew colder the two sat for a while before Johnny rose and held out a hand for Taeyong to stand as well. Their steps were the only sounds in the darkness as the fire finally died behind them, and they took off their shoes before entering the tent. Blankets twisted around his shoulders, Taeyong turned towards Johnny, his hand coming out in hopes of meeting something waiting for him. When it made its way over it found Johnny’s bigger hand there, ready to tangle with his own. Calm and mind quieter than it had been in years, Taeyong let sleep pull him under. 

...

It had been six days since the start of their journey, and Johnny was beginning to grow a little scared. Not for Jungwoo of course, he was confident their crafty boy could survive out here for a bit, but for himself. Taeyong had opened on this trip like a rose that blooms after a harsh rain, and he couldn’t stop staring. He had known his beauty and kindness, his grace and grit that fooled many into seeing only delicacy, but now he could see his thorns. And they were stunning, straight and proud on his stem, and worth bleeding for. 

It was the sharpness in his gaze that drew Johnny in, he never could resist the shine of a well honed blade. And Taeyong wouldn’t give up here, that was crystal clear. Johnny knew Taeyong would keep walking until the pads of his feet were raw, and he knew he would do so while looking around for the prettiest peonies. Even here on their long trek into the unknown, Taeyong looked at peace, his smile bright when Johnny was granted its shine. 

As they stepped into the third town they had crossed on their time wandering both men were tired, but they felt a spur at their feet to move on. Deciding that they needed to do some laundry for their own sanity, they both agreed on a quick afternoon spent in town. They dropped off their piles and left their pennies on the counter, and then walked into the town saloon, needing a hearty meal when they could get one. The next town was only two days away and much larger, so they would stop for more supplies there if they still had not completed their task.

Ordering two rabbit stews the men sat across from one another, neither feeling the need to speak. The things that lingered on their tongue could only be said in the dead of the night anyway. The little bar was buzzing, men chuckling with pals and rough looking servers handing out meals with a grimace and a good luck. The air was stale and Johnny preferred the forest breeze, the crowd here making his instincts itch. 

As they ate quietly however, one word spoken two tables away stole his attention, a simple snippet of “little boy”. Eyes steady and ears focused, he tried to filter out what was being said apart from the other chatter.

“-yeah Joe said he was gonna try and recruit the kid or something, you know most young boys are already conscripted or soon to be so he’s desperate- no not here I mean in Glenwood. Don’t know what he wanted with the skinny young thing anyway-”

Johnny didn’t know if it was what he was thinking of, but he figured the chances were pretty good. Jungwoo was still so young, but boys these days were hot commodities as war picked off the older ones one by one, so there weren't too many just wandering around. Making up his mind Johnny put down the payment and stood, making his way through the saloon as Taeyong followed. When they reached the hot outside Taeyong looked at him puzzled, trying to understand why they left so promptly. 

“I overheard someone talking about a guy trying to recruit a skinny young boy in the next town over. We need to head out right now to try and catch whatever is happening before it gets out of hand.”

Taeyong was quick on his feet now, and moved on to the laundry with a frantic speed. There they gathered their clothes still damp on the line outside, stuffing them into their bags with little care and a fire at their heels. 

Soon they had moved out of the town and green forest surrounded them again, their journey coming to a rapid end. 


	7. Gunpowder in Rose Petals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... its been a while. Woops, anyway sorry I've been a bit uninspired but I hope y'all like this chapter. A lot is happening in Ncity and I feel like I'm still learning a lot about Johnny and Taeyong especially, so I might change a bit of characterization as I go. Onwards we go!

By the time they made it to the next town the situation was a mess. 

They asked, and then demanded, answers from every person they saw, yet no one seemed to know anything. A man with a long beard and veiny hands told them that he had heard something like it, but couldn’t remember a single detail. A pregnant woman with tight curls and lipstick stained on her shirt thought there might be a boy like that around here, but didn’t want to “gossip too much or she’d have to answer to the Gods above”. It was all turning into more nothing, and Taeyong lead the charge into the center of town with a wild look of desperation in his eye. 

As they closed into the local tavern, Johnny was watching their backs carefully, sure that their insistent line of questioning about a “sensitive” subject matter like a local gang was gaining them some lingering eyes. Their thick boots thumped on the smooth dirt, practically stomping through the main road as they passed colorful silk shops and fragrant frying kitchens on their left and right. Finally Johnny reached out to Taeyong’s wrist and brought him to a halt, ignoring the sharp look Taeyong gave him at the grab. Gesturing with his chin, he pointed out a man sitting a few feet away at an open bar with his back towards them, arm filled with tattoos of severed heads and busty women winking his way. 

Slowly they approached the man until Johnny slide into the seat to his right, calm enough to not cause a scene, but strong enough to mean something in particular. Sure enough the man’s head turned his way, displaying a fully white mustache and a measuring gaze under a dark brow. Johnny simply faced back towards the man, his eyes holding a challenge in them that he was sure this puffed up fellow couldn’t resist. By the slow narrowing of the man’s eyes, Johnny was just about right. The man grabbed hold of the stained creaky wooden bar and grunted as he moved to lean a little forward.

“So who are you? Newly realized army meat who couldn’t cut it so moved back into these parts?”

Johnny let any sting wash over him like water, after all he knew who he was and a man who needed to insult a stranger could tell him nothing worth considering. Tone casual and lips tilting into something vaguely charming, Johnny responded. 

“Just a concerned citizen passing through. Heard there was a kid that was about to be initiated in some stupid gang and couldn’t believe it.”

The man just snorted, clearly no love lost between him and whoever was holding Jungwoo hostage. He waved his weathered hand in dismissal and sipped a drink that smelled like sugar and ethanol. When he opened his mouth again his breath smelled of the same strong mixture.

“That’s that idiot Sunhui who hangs out behind the hat shop, always doing something foolish just to try and fulfill his little wish of being a ‘real gangster’. He has a few followers, just as stupid mind you, but he’s mostly harmless. Still he doesn’t give up easily, so if you’re looking to take the kid you should prepare for a bit of a fight.”

Johnny gave a shallow nod and put down a couple shill to buy the man’s drink then stood up, waving a hand at Taeyong to follow from where he had been observing a few seats away. 

Johnny hustled to the nearest dark corner, finding a promising one between the general store with a giant decaying sign and a hair solon that looked like it hadn’t snipped an inch of hair in thirty years. Tucking them both in as far as he felt comfortable, Johnny turned around and was a little taken aback by the steel in Taeyong’s warm eyes. With his grim lips and dramatic features he looked like a statue dedicated to the dead, noble and regal, and oh so fierce. It was a look Johnny let himself enjoy for a second before refocusing on the task at hand. 

“Okay so basically we got information on our gang guy. His name is Sunhui and he hangs out behind the hat shop. Sounds inexperience but still annoying enough to put up a fight.”

Taeyong’s eyes shifted as if processing the new data for only a second before he nodded, long fingers carding back his chestnut hair as he let out a deep breath. 

“Okay, let’s go then.”

Johnny was left a little off footed at the quiet fury in Taeyong’s voice. It’s not that he thought Taeyong would be meek per say, but he wasn’t prepared for a man who was obviously willing to risk it all quite like this. He was like gunpowder nestled between rose petals, a stark clash that seemed to define so much of the contrary man before him. 

Marching along they crossed the street to where the hat shop glittered in the light, display of ribbons and feathers of every shape and color in its clean windows. Clearly a step up from the shops that had come before it, this was a store that was cared for with real tenderness, and Johnny wondered why such a place would allow its back to be used for seedy business. Perhaps he would get his answer, Johnny thought, because as they stepped past a well groomed man came out to interrupt them.

He was young, must have been no older than 20, and had remarkably unblemished white skin for this day and age. Johnny looked the man up and down trying to get a read on his intentions but his posture seemed to display only eagerness and a twinge of nerves, no aggression in sight. He stopped before them and shifted his eyes between the two before settling on Taeyong as the target for his prompting. 

“Hello I’m sorry, but you should not go in this back alley. There is business back there that you shouldn’t walk into.”

Taeyong stood still, and then spoke up in a calm voice that wrapped a metal core, and Johnny thought that perhaps he has underestimated the ferocity of deep paternal instinct for the last time. 

“We aren’t just walking in there, we are coming for something we will not leave without. I hope you understand.”

The man’s blue eyes widened, and then before the moment’s end he stepped back and nodded, sure now that words would not halt them. They left him wringing his hands together, clearly unnerved by the confrontation that was brewing on the horizon. 

As they finally made their way through the stoned walls they came upon a small encampment with four men milling about and one short figure sitting on a crate in the corner. The space was wide enough for a small gathering place and a ton of scrap metal and wooden crates, the area looking to be more of a hang out spot than a major gang headquarters. The men where a mixture of tall and short, wide and thin, but one man stood out. Standing by a pile of soot in a high metal bin that must have been the hearth was a man who stood especially tall, his arms crossed and his face scrunched into displeasure though there was nothing upsetting around. 

If Johnny had to put words to it, he seemed like a man who took pleasure in making problems. Looking past him at the small boy swinging his feet, he noticed that Jungwoo looked unharmed if a little malnourished in the corner. Truly just the sight of him was relief enough, but his unmarred skin and bored expression were good signs that nothing permanently traumatic had occurred. Crouching down to be even more out of sight, Johnny whispered into Taeyong’s ear in a low voice.

“Here’s what I’m thinking, I go out and try a little diplomacy, and when that inevitably goes to shit you spring out during the fighting to grab Jungwoo and run while taking down any of them that you can.”

Taeyong glanced up, his wide eyes even larger when looking from below, his voice quiet and steady but his hands revealing a telling tremble. 

“I understand, as long as you remember to run the minute you can. This is not war, and these men are not the enemy who must be sliced down for you to win. Our goal is Jungwoo and our health Johnny, please remember that. Meet us at the towns edge by the two trees twisted together when you get away.”

This time Johnny nodded, pushing his dark hair firmly away from his face and taking in a steadying breath. He place his hand on Taeyong’s shoulder in farewell, and stepped into the open space before him.

The minute he came into view all the men tensed, but only the one in front, who he assumed was Sunhui, drew a weapon. By the wide eyes and flailing hands, Johnny figured that these were indeed men with little fighting experience, and that gave him a great deal more confidence than he had a moment before. Jungwoo gave out a sharp cry of “Johnny-sii!”, but Johnny didn’t let himself look that way while surrounded. Allowing a suave grin to spread across his face he looked the leader in the eyes and spoke in a lavish tone, one hand on his hip near his sword and the other waving in big gestures in front of his chest. 

“Well, it is a pleasure to meet you Mr. Sunhui and company. I am here to take back one lost child, I’m sure you have no real need for him.”

Sunhui flicked his eyes towards Jungwoo who was looking like a flapping fish in the corner, clearly not expecting this turn of events any more than these men. Sunhui’s face closed firmly shut, and his voice came out just as placid and smooth.

“Hmm, well I’m afraid I’m not looking to give anything up, useless brat right now or not. I’m looking to invest you see.”

Johnny realized his teeth where they had began grit together and let his face fall back into neutral, sure of where this was going. 

“So I can’t offer you in a peaceful exchange?”

Sunhui’s stone face now morphed into a wolfish grin, a pleased look in his eye as he realized that Johnny was clearly ready to fight for what he wanted. His body slowly lowered into a squat and his hand landed on his shiny hilt, indicating just what direction he was moving in.

“I think not.”

And with that he whipped out his sword, swiftly cutting at Johnny’s right side. Johnny was just as prepared, drawing his sword and blocking the attack in one motion as the clash of metal grating together filled the small space. Soon they were parrying and swinging back and forth, Sunhui getting more and more frustrated as it continued as an equal exchange of blows. Soon he shouted out over his shoulder, face already red and a scowl sinking into his lips. 

“Come help me you idiots!”

With that call another two joined into the front attack, fumbling to take out knives they struggled to swing. They circled from the back but neither lunged forward, hesitant to actually attack. One man was left behind, clearly unsure of what he wanted to do as the fight grew louder. 

Seeing his chance Taeyong jumped out of the corner, determined to ignore the sounds of grunts and clashing despite the worry gnawing at his mind. Running along the shadows Taeyong grabbed Jungwoo’s mouth to stop him from crying out in shock and put his other hand on his own knife, unsure of what would come next after this. The last man whipped around and stared straight at Taeyong, clearly seeing his hand on Jungwoo and reading his intentions from where it wrapped around Jungwoo’s neck. 

As they looked into each other’s eyes Taeyong saw the man’s emotions play out on his open face, a look of fear, worry, and then just hesitance. Finally after a moment that felt like a month, the man just nodded, and a look of something mournful came onto his expression. Taeyong wasn’t sure but he thought it was perhaps loneliness, an ache of a man who was actually losing something. Taeyong wondered if this man, who was really little more than a boy, joined this gang more for friendship in a time where young men where rare, rather than some love of violence. Reaching out on instinct, Taeyong squeezed the boy’s pale arm in comfort, but he knew he had to leave it at that. 

Turning around swiftly, Taeyong pulled Jungwoo through the area and ran into the alley, grabbing on with a stronger grip when Jungwoo tried to push himself back towards the back space. Shocked and frustrated at Jungwoo’s resistance Taeyong picked him up entirely, only looking back to see Johnny lunge out and stab clean through a man’s arm. Deciding that he simply needed to fulfill his part of the bargain and hope for the best, Taeyong sped walk through the back of the alley, brushing past the man who tried to stop them from entering where he was pacing the front of the shop. Suddenly the mans hand was on his shoulder, bright eyes pleading up at him.

“My brother! Is my brother okay? He’s only 17, please he isn’t a real gangster just a dumb boy, and I hear fighting is he-”

Taeyong shrugged off his hand but couldn’t blow the man off completely, not when his genuine worry was so obvious.

“I’m sure he’s fine as long as he stays out of the way. Go back there get him out if you’re really scared.”

As Taeyong turned back to run, he heard the man’s hesitant footsteps moved back into the alley, and he hoped that his presence would help the situation.

Taeyong brought Jungwoo a few blocks before the boy’s constant squirming forced him to stop. Jungwoo was stubborn, tugging at Taeyong’s tight wrap around his arm as he hustled them out of the street and into the nearby tavern. Once inside Taeyong sat Jungwoo down and held him tightly in his arms, breathing into his messy hair. Jungwoo stopped resisting quickly, wrapping his arms around Taeyong’s middle as much as he could. Finally Taeyong let go long enough to get a good look at Jungwoo, and question his recent behavior.

“Jungwoo why would you resist coming with us? I know that it was scary but I can’t believe you tried to escape from Johnny and I when we came to rescue you!”

Jungwoo looked down but remained defiant, his arms crossed and his chapped mouth stuck out.

“I need to follow the north star! I need to get my greatest desire.”

Taeyong paused, unsure what to do for a moment since he never suspected Jungwoo was so attached to this idea still. So in a gentle voice Taeyong leaned down and asked, 

“Jungwoo what is your greatest desire?”

Jungwoo’s eye’s slowly watered until each eye had a streak of liquid rolling down a chubby cheek. His eyes were wary for a moment, shifting and uncertain until he fianlly confessed.

“I want to go home.”

Taeyong felt his heart quiver like Jungwoo’s lower lip. He knew Jungwoo didn’t mean a house, he meant a place where he is loved and cared for, a place he didn’t think existed anymore outside of a wish on a star. Taeyong’s mind was made up long before he uttered his next words.

“Then come home to me Jungwoo, and let me give your deepest desire.”

Jungwoo looked stricken, eyes wide and mouth gaping, and for a second Taeyong was worried that he had said too much too soon. But the sobbing boy who flung himself into his arms said differently, and all Taeyong could feel was relief at the thought of Jungwoo becoming part of his home. 

Picking Jungwoo back up, Taeyong made his was through the entrance and back onto the street, a little alarmed by how light Jungwoo felt in his arms. The boy looked normal mostly, although his smell and dirt-caked feet left some hygiene to be desired. Mostly Taeyong was just happy to have him back to hold tight, the emotional toll of many sleepless nights and fretful feelings knotted in his gut releasing crashed over him as the God’s finally returned Jungwoo to him. What the hell is he saying really, the Gods didn’t do shit! Him and Johnny wouldn’t let Jungwoo be taken by the Gods or some gang is more like it. 

Snorting at his own line of thinking, Taeyong tried to be subtle as he streamed out of town and into the woods once more, glancing back to make sure the mother and child that just passed them never turned around. Sure as he could be that they were safe, Taeyong released Jungwoo and sat by him under the twisted tree. The truck was massive, the trees like two twins stuck together since birth, distinct enough that he was sure Johnny knew what he was talking about back there.

God, get rid of one problem and gain another. Wrapping one arm around Jungwoo and letting his face fall into the boy’s blond hair, Taeyong tried not to focus on the way his heart was about to beat out of his chest. Each moment was a suspension of disbelief, a mantra of “he’ll be fine” again and again, while flashing of images with Johnny cold on the ground haunting his thoughts. Petting Jungwoo’s smooth arm, Taeyong tried to relax as he felt Jungwoo tense in reaction to his wound muscles. 

Making his fist releasing its death grip on the grass underneath them, Taeyong knew he couldn’t pretend he would be okay returning with just Jungwoo in tow. He hadn’t even realized how large Johnny’s presence had become in his projections of his future until he began to shake at the thought of him not being there tomorrow. He didn’t want to admit it but Jungwoo was not the only one he was hoping to welcome into his home. 

There was a crunch in the leaves next to them, and Taeyong’s whole body coiled. Pushing Jungwoo behind him, Taeyong prepared himself for whatever might come their way. As a large body and shaggy brown hair came into focus though, Taeyong knew he could never be ready. Launching himself forward, Taeyong sprung into Johnny’s broad chest, hands tangled in the back of his shirt and breath shallow so it didn’t give away too much. 

Thick arms encircled him in turn, swallowing most of his body whole in its grip. There embrace felt long overdue, the stress they had carried together melting between their warm bodies. When Taeyong felt two skinny arms encircle his waist he let out a small laugh, shifting so Jungwoo was tightly wrapped in the middle. The sunshine of the day had began to wain, but Taeyong felt ablaze as a dangerous hope clawed at his wide open chest. 


	8. An ache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I had to summarize this chapter it would be domestic and yearning. Anyway I'm trying to add a bit more "showing not telling" here with events rather than straight emotions, so if anything strikes you please let me know. Anyway I will for sure finish this and thank you to anyone who left comments even when I was paying this fic dust, it really did help motivate me to start again. See ya soon!

The roiling bubbles burst from the soup’s thick broth like firecrackers, whipping little droplets through the air onto Taeyong’s white apron. He stirred the pot slowly, dull silver ladle barely able to cut through the viscous mash of potatoes and ham. In the background he could hear Johnny’s cackle, distorted by the distance between them. Quick footsteps pounded closer, and the edge of Taeyong’s mouth curled. 

Most days now his kitchen was cluttered, stacked high with three sets of dishes and a mountain of encrusted pots. Every night he and Johnny tackled them steadily, Johnny scrubbing and Taeyong placing each piece back in the cabinet with a quiet clink. Sometimes there was silence between them, and sometimes they talked long after. Backs pressed against the cold tile, they would linger in the kitchen's warm light long into the night. 

Taeyong felt like he could spill anything there, his sleep shirt hanging loose on his neck and his head pressed forward as he hung onto every word. He found himself whispering things he wished he had left unsaid, fears and worries that should have never left his lips. But Johnny’s quiet acceptance was so addicting. And the truths he whispered back were just as sensitive, each word carefully said. Since their journey to bring Jungwoo home it had felt like they could trust each other intimately, their long days and nights together adding up to something unspoken. 

The soup was almost done, it only needed one thing more. Taeyong grabbed crushed red pepper from the wire rack above his head, watching as the vibrant color disappeared with a swirl of his wrist. Something crashed near the window outside, and Taeyong just prayed it wasn’t glass. At least something he could glue together again, he hoped. 

Johnny really thought he wasn’t a lucky man as far as Taeyong could tell. It was in the hesitance when he held Jungwoo, like his touch might bring downfall. Taeyong wasn’t sure if it was an inflated sense of self-importance or real trauma that kept Johnny cautious, but he was tired of it. Johnny let himself come alive here in this house, echoing its wall with his laugh and carving out a well word spot on the couch, yet he still treated himself like a guest. Taeyong begged him, whispers of something sweet if he would just spend the night as it got late, but Johnny wouldn’t trust it. 

Yet every morning he returned. Knocking on Taeyong’s door like clockwork, Johnny entered at the first sight of dawn, and left before the night hit its midway point. Bathed in moonlight, Taeyong would wrap his arms tight and say a reluctant goodbye, never one less painful than the last. Wasn’t it cruel, to make him break his heart every time. But the Gods had allowed him no mercy, filling his heart with adoration just to let it leak out. 

He swore he would move forward and let it go each lonely night in his bed, and then let his resolve crumble each morning. What guard could he have, when he had to watch Johnny move in his life like he made to fit by his side? It was in the small moments that his heart skipped its beat. It was when Johnny would smush Jungwoo’s face to wake him up, pulling Taeyong from the doorway and into their wrestling match, his long arms wrapped around them both as they all caught their breath. It was Johnny’s tired smile while leaning on the rail of the porch, fingertips pressed into Taeyong’s hip bone and hair stirring from the gentle early autumn breeze. It was Johnny at his doorstep crowned by early light, sheepish smile and emotional eyes shining bright. 

Life shifted around them like a wave, brushing past Taeyong’s legs as it crashed behind him. It felt in that moment that Jungwoo would be a young boy forever, blissfully unaware of the tension in the air above him. The tide rolled in as Taeyong released his first tears one cold night, drops shattering on the floor below him. The tide rolled out when they spread a picnic under a bright blue sky, smears of jelly and crumbs on their blanket that would take Taeyong weeks to get out. 

Taeyong had always been a fool. He fooled himself everyday: promises that life would be okay, that everything would work out as it should, sweet lies that let his eyes finally close at night. He lived in a carefully designed bubble of naiveté, what was one more delusion? He could live happy here, in this pretty make believe. But there were moments that popped his secret, reality poking through. Doyoung asking what Johnny and him are doing, the lady at the market telling him to bring her sheet metal to ‘his new man’, Jungwoo asking Johnny to tuck him in before he had to leave. And oh how they hurt. 

Taeyong turned off the flame under the blackened pot, steam puffing up and adding more moisture to the already humid room. He fiddled with the flower configuration on the dining room table, shuffling a few white roses around. He hummed and let go, delicate hands lingering on each shelf until it stopped on a set of soft pink and white checkered bowls. He poured the syrupy soup carefully, and then placed down each bowl next to a carved wood spoon. 

“It's lunch time! Please come sit while it's hot!”

Taeyong’s voice wasn’t a yell but it carried well, and soon enough he saw a familiar bouncing blond head. Taeyong pulled out a chair automatically, assuming Johnny already got the boy to wash his hands. He held out a palm and helped Jungwoo climb into the green wooden chair, his legs barely curling over the edge. A broad hand suddenly warmed Taeyong’s shoulder, and he turned around while pressing his chest back into the hold. Johnny’s smile was wide and Taeyong felt the water rush over his head again, pulling him under into its gentle depths. 

…

In the morning Taeyong had seemed perfectly normal. Maybe his smile was a little tight in the corners, and his eyes never quite met Johnny’s own, but that was common in the early day. Johnny had come over an hour ago, their chat spoken in low tones. Soon Jungwoo had joined them, clinking his spoon on the white bowl with every bite of cereal. Johnny nursed his second cup of coffee while Taeyong rinsed a plate, and when Johnny finished he stood up to kiss Jungwoo’s head before he went to work. 

Johnny bashed his red hot metal near the blazing fire that day in relative peace, not a thing out of place. When the sun was still high in the sky he was already done, two new helmets and five broadswords around him. They gleamed feverishly in the light, and Johnny knew they would be scratched up in less than a month. No matter how much you polished, a sword never recovered fully after its first fight. 

He walked out of the workshop’s wooden gate slowly, his feet steady on each step. They carried him right up until the painted door and then stopped, a voice rising in the quiet air at a volume he had never heard it before. Snapping out of his stalling, he turned the door knob quickly, his steps creeking on each step as he tackled the old warped stairs. The hallway was barren but the yells grew louder, the door to Taeyong’s room hanging open. On it was one smear of golden yellow, stark against the blank white background. 

When Johnny turned into the room he figured out instantly what had gone down. On the walls was a mix of four different colors, red sinkinging into yellow dripping into black splattered over purple. Jungwoo’s hand was almost brown as the colors mixed together, the same blend smeared on his tear stained cheeks. Taeyong hadn’t even looked over when he entered, hands wrapped tight around each elbow and mouth skewed in scowl. His next words shook at the ends, each syllable precariously placed down.

“I TOLD you Jungwoo a thousand times didn’t I? I said not to play with the things in my closet, but you didn’t listen. You didn’t listen!”

Jungwoo’s eyes were tightly closed as he crouched on the ground, drool escaping as he panted with an open mouth. 

“I’m sor-sorry, I said sorry!”

Taeyong’s voice only increased in pitch, a hint of screech on each of his vowels. 

“I told you, I TOLD YOU! Why didn’t you listen?”

“I don’t kn _o_ w!”

Jungwoo’s voice cracked in the middle, and those were the last words said before he began to simply blubber, melting into the floor in hiccups and sniffles. Johnny moved forward, his hand only brushing Taeyong’s shoulder but the man reeled back sharply, looking at him like he was a stranger who was entirely unexpected. The pause seemed to last forever before Taeyong tore his gaze away, shoving past Johnny with a light stumble in his step. Johnny just looked at the empty door after he left, trying to process everything that had just happened. 

Eventually Johnny knelt on the floor and gathered every piece of Jungwoo up, fully encasing the boy until he was gripped firmly back. When Jungwoo’s cries had finally died into a constant silence, Johnny placed the tired boy into bed and stroked through his thick hair, fingernails scratching down his scalp slowly. Jungwoo’s breathing evened out and Johnny stood, pace even as he made his way through the house. None of the doors were open this time, but Johnny had already figured out where to head. The porch was warm in the golden light, the sun just kissing the horizon.

  
Taeyong sat cross legged on the lacquered bench, eyes distant and rimmed red. His tea quivered steadily in his hand, ripples echoing back and forth from the rim. Johnny moved to the side until he took up all of Taeyong’s sight, holding himself there before Taeyong’s pupils focused once more. Teayong’s eyes held a wary gleam, and yet they seemed to plead with him. 

“May I hold you Taeyong? Just for right now?” 

Taeyong’s throat bobbed as he swallowed, a hum his answer. Johnny slipped around him easily, his pull tender as he pressed Taeyong into his side. They watched the sun wain in silence, an owl screech and the buzz of fireflies the only sounds around them. Taeyong finally relaxed with a long sigh, and his voice was barely above a whisper. 

“It was my mother’s paint. 

Of course I should have had patience, I should have been calm. I should have been a better man. But I had always thought... Well I always thought that I would do something special with it. Something grand you know? What that would be I couldn’t say, but something important. I probably would have waited until it went bad honestly, scared to make a wrong move.”

Johnny curled him in tighter, his voice so low it rumbled slightly in his chest.

“I’m sorry for your loss, Taeyong.”

Taeyong snorted, a short wet sound that was followed by a small shake of his head.

“Don’t be, she has been gone for a long while.”

Johnny nuzzled his nose into Taeyong’s petal pink hair, the night chill making his heated breath a stark contrast on Taeyong’s neck. 

“I don’t mean her really. What I’m sorry for is that you lost a piece of your healing, that you were robbed of a chance to remember her. You deserve to wake up to a reminder that you were loved, and to lay to rest a long held ache in your chest.”

Taeyong’s grip on his arm was biting, the worn red threads on his sleeve growing damp where it wrapped around Taeyong’s cheek. The stars were so bright that night, each like a lantern at the mouth of a deep cave. Johnny could swear they were even flickering in the breeze. After a long lull, they both lifted their heads as a splatter of footsteps alerted them to a presence at the door, two cautious eyes peeking out from the frame. Taeyong reached out an arm and Jungwoo flung himself across the floor, elbows and knees jabbing as he squirmed into their hold. 

Taeyong buried his nose into Jungwoo’s pale neck, grip tight and careful. Johnny rubbed up and down Taeyong’s arm, his palm gliding across the soft fabric there. The slats of the wood dug into Johnny’s thighs but he paid them no mind, letting the moment settle. A strong gust blew through the trees with a whistle, and Johnny felt Taeyong shiver. Eventually he prodded both Jungwoo and Taeyong until they stood up, curious eyes locked on him. He just grabbed both of their hands in his and pulled them through the hallway and up the stairs, all the way to the scene of the crime. 

Johnny picked up the scattered bottle on the floor and held them out with a grin. 

“Now I’m thinking these colors lend themselves to a nice sunset, now how does that sound?”

Taeyong just blinked for a second, and turned his head to gaze at the messy wall. His face shifted into a gradual grin, eyes crescents when he looked back to Johnny.

“A sunset sounds good. A sunset sounds _really_ good.” 

Johnny beamed back and squatted down to offer Jungwoo the yellow. 

“How about you tackle the bottom Woo? We need it to be totally covered in this one color.”

Jungwoo looked up nervously, but at Taeyong’s grin he took the bottle and wandered over, hand perfectly centered to cover the last fourth of the wall. With one more look behind him and an encouraging nod given, he got to work dipping his hand in and smearing the color around. Johnny extended the red out towards Taeyong, both of them sharing broad smiles as they set to work. 

Taeyong curled his fingers into the jug as well, and painted on swathes of red with each sweep of his hand. Johnny worked just above him, swirling purple on the wall until he reached the border of the red and then blended them together as best he could. Taeyong had moved on to covering up any parts Jungwoo missed, then proceeded to make a gradient of orange in between the bottom colors as well. 

Finally Johnny stood on a couple of stacked books and filled in the top with black, fingers massaging the slick liquid into the wall. The scent of the paint was sharp, but Johnny was enjoying the chaotic project too much to care. Taeyong leaned back into his closet for a moment and then emerged with a bottle of white, handing it to Johnny after he finished up the last corner. Johnny took it and dipped one finger in, rapidly laying dots at the top. Taeyong also gathered some on his index, placing random spots all along the purple. 

When they stood back to admire their work, Taeyong wrapped a sticky hand into Johnny’s own. 

“It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect.” 

It was messy, choppy in places, and full of life. Each shade melted into each other with movement, curls of paint wrapping around each other tight. Taeyong knew it was everything his mother would have loved, smears on the door frame and ceiling included. 

And even the next day, when the sun's rays hit Taeyong’s face and he opened his eyes to an empty bed once again, he looked up at the vibrant wall and smiled. 


End file.
